Carving Pumpkins

Like any normal college going girls we decided to carve pumpkins!  And by we I mean Abby and Sara decided to carve pumpkins and dragged me along with them.  (It wasn't as awful as I'm making this sound..)  Naturally we had plans to go to a real life pumpkin patch and pick a pumpkin right off the vine but we ended up going to The Walmart...at 10 at night.. typical.  I picked out the most perfect pumpkin and Abby went for one with character, which apparently means dents and scrapes, McSar dropped a pumpkin and being the good soul that she is bought the damaged pumpkin.

I might have gotten out to the car a little slower than the other two so they locked me out and told me I had to do a jig.   Which was totally fair, I mean, I was walking slow!  Anyway, obviously I went ahead and started doing a jig, but then they demanded a song with it.   So I started singing the dead cat song.  It goes like this:

I found a dead cat on the side of the road

so I took it home and put some honey on it

and I cooked it and I ate it

is that bad?  Doo do do doooo

The whole time I was singing and dancing I also had my pumpkin in my hand.  I was checking my sides to make sure I wasn't making a fool of myself or anything embarrassing like that when they finally let me in.  My "friends" were laughing and laughing, gasping for air, even.  That's when I saw a group of quite attractive guys getting in there car too... turns out I forgot to check behind me for witnesses... they saw the whole thing.  They even pointed at me while they were laughing too!  

Well cool!  I'm super glad I had an audience that appreciated my performance.

Oh, I forgot to mention, I was the only one who had school the next day so that's why I was against doing the pumpkin thing.  A girl's got to sleep, ya know?!

By the time I had finished my pumpkin it was around 12:30 am, and by the time I was all ready to go to sleep it was about 1.  Abby and Sara were telling me how I was a party pooper and what not... yeah, I went to bed.  Sort of.. I watched 20 minutes of White Christmas too.  It was calling my name, so sue me! 

This is all the fun they had without me while the slow pokes were finishing theirs up.  

And this is our little village.

Oh, I accidentally killed poor Aunt Clara again.. This makes three times now.. Whoops!  But on the plus side, I got my very own set of jumper cables!  Not that I'll ever need them, I have vowed not to kill her anymore.  

A New Me

I very recently decided that I am young.  I'm young and hip and aliiiive.  And dangit, I should start acting my age.  For the longest time I've been wanting to find out I actually have a horrible debilitating disease and then not tell anyone so when I finally die a dramatic death and they all find out about it they will think, "man, all this time I thought she was just an above average joe.  But no, she actually was an above average joe that not only lived a decade longer than she was expected to, but also influenced the world for good".  With that in mind, I've compiled a list of things I want to change about myself... this motivation may or may not have spawned from a witty romantic comedy or two.

First things first, I want to be adventurous.  Adventurous in every sense of the word.

I want to start enjoying traveling and everything it entails (i.e. packing, butt long drives, unpacking, etc.).

I want to start trying new foods.  Like Indian food.

I want to go rock climbing.  Or skydiving... mmm betta not.

I want to learn how to snowboard because how fun is it to have your feet strapped to a board so when you fall over all you have to save yourself is your less than impressive upper body strength <---- scratch that.  I changed my mind.  I want to learn to ski.

I want to talk to strangers.  I guess I sometimes do that already, but from now on I'm going to enjoy it!

I want to get friends.  According to google (yeah, I googled how to make friends.  What of it?!) I am supposed to stop trying to be likable and start liking other people.  Turns out, I can see the logic in that!

I want to hitchhike to Ohio and grow a beard along the way (girls can grow beards right? Steroids? Hair plugs?)

I want to meet someone online and become really great friends and maybe even marry them.  

I want to get the guts to just do junk!  By junk I mean sing/give impressive speeches in front of a butt load of successful people.

At one point in my life I was dared to take a strangers empty fruit cup off of their tray.  Here's the fun part:  I actually did it.  What happened to the old me?  The one that threw caution to the wind and just said, "what the heck?!  Why not?  Why not hand out papers with my friend's phone number on it that says 'call me'".

For a second I wanted to work for the FBI, maybe I'll follow that hankering and become an unstoppable force.

I also started playing with the movie making thing on my compy and decided to go into movie making! Don't be surprised if you see my name on every great motion picture from here on out.

I want to grow another set of arms so I can become an unrealistically productive woman like the third wife on Sister Wives. (P.S. I didn't chose to watch that entire TV series.  It chose me.)

I want the nickname "Gutsy Rob".

Moral of the story:  I want to change pretty much everything about myself and become the person I am in my dreams.  (I do sick awesome things in my dreams.. like last night I beat a guy up.  Did I have a reason?  Absolutely not.  I just did it.)

Next time you see me I expect a double take from your end.  At first glance you'll think, "woah!  That chica has got it figured out and is living a rewarding life!" then immediately after that you'll look again and think, "wha?!! I know that girl!  I'm going to see if she'll sign my forehead!"  Right now I'm alive but I ain't livin'.  It seems like their's a song about that.  I'll google it someday.  For now, I'm going to risk my life doing something super gutsy and probably not worth dying over.  But heck, I'll do it anyway.  Why?  Because I already decided to do it and it's too late to turn back.

Tips for Stalkers

Dear fellow stalkers,

We need to talk.  Some of you are getting this ALL wrong.  Trust me, I'm a seasoned stalker, and let me tell ya, it's easier to just creep from your apartment.  But anyway, here's were you're going wrong:  Walking past your prey's humble abode 7 times is far too many.  Five times would have been fine, but 7?  Really?  It's getting tacky.  If you want them to notice you then you're doing a fine job.  But that's not the point of stalking, now is it?

Next, keep your windows closed if you're going to make commentary on the pedestrians.  Really, though... It's awkward when they hear you.

Give yourself a cover story.  You don't want to be in a situation where you have to come up with a lame excuse right on the spot for why you are looking into someone's window.  "I thought I saw my couch in your apartment" or "I'm undercover and one of your roommates is an international jewel/precious metal thief, I'm just doing a little recon." Seriously, anything believable like that will work!

Invest in a solid pair of binocs.  Don't go to The Walmart, that's not the place to be, it's too public.  Try a pawn shop.  It will set the mood for being creepy anyway.

If you're staring out your window at all the people leaving the stadium from the game and one of them shouts, "you're creepy!", that doesn't necessarily mean they are talking to you.  Also, keep the lights off if its dark outside.  They'll be able to see you from a mile away with the lights on behind you.

If the target happens to see you through the window, invite him/her for ice cream and confess that you were talking about them.  It's better to be upfront in that kind of situation.

Sincerely,
SS (Seasoned Stalker)