Tips for Stalkers

Dear fellow stalkers,

We need to talk.  Some of you are getting this ALL wrong.  Trust me, I'm a seasoned stalker, and let me tell ya, it's easier to just creep from your apartment.  But anyway, here's were you're going wrong:  Walking past your prey's humble abode 7 times is far too many.  Five times would have been fine, but 7?  Really?  It's getting tacky.  If you want them to notice you then you're doing a fine job.  But that's not the point of stalking, now is it?

Next, keep your windows closed if you're going to make commentary on the pedestrians.  Really, though... It's awkward when they hear you.

Give yourself a cover story.  You don't want to be in a situation where you have to come up with a lame excuse right on the spot for why you are looking into someone's window.  "I thought I saw my couch in your apartment" or "I'm undercover and one of your roommates is an international jewel/precious metal thief, I'm just doing a little recon." Seriously, anything believable like that will work!

Invest in a solid pair of binocs.  Don't go to The Walmart, that's not the place to be, it's too public.  Try a pawn shop.  It will set the mood for being creepy anyway.

If you're staring out your window at all the people leaving the stadium from the game and one of them shouts, "you're creepy!", that doesn't necessarily mean they are talking to you.  Also, keep the lights off if its dark outside.  They'll be able to see you from a mile away with the lights on behind you.

If the target happens to see you through the window, invite him/her for ice cream and confess that you were talking about them.  It's better to be upfront in that kind of situation.

Sincerely,
SS (Seasoned Stalker)