Carving Pumpkins

Like any normal college going girls we decided to carve pumpkins!  And by we I mean Abby and Sara decided to carve pumpkins and dragged me along with them.  (It wasn't as awful as I'm making this sound..)  Naturally we had plans to go to a real life pumpkin patch and pick a pumpkin right off the vine but we ended up going to The Walmart...at 10 at night.. typical.  I picked out the most perfect pumpkin and Abby went for one with character, which apparently means dents and scrapes, McSar dropped a pumpkin and being the good soul that she is bought the damaged pumpkin.

I might have gotten out to the car a little slower than the other two so they locked me out and told me I had to do a jig.   Which was totally fair, I mean, I was walking slow!  Anyway, obviously I went ahead and started doing a jig, but then they demanded a song with it.   So I started singing the dead cat song.  It goes like this:

I found a dead cat on the side of the road

so I took it home and put some honey on it

and I cooked it and I ate it

is that bad?  Doo do do doooo

The whole time I was singing and dancing I also had my pumpkin in my hand.  I was checking my sides to make sure I wasn't making a fool of myself or anything embarrassing like that when they finally let me in.  My "friends" were laughing and laughing, gasping for air, even.  That's when I saw a group of quite attractive guys getting in there car too... turns out I forgot to check behind me for witnesses... they saw the whole thing.  They even pointed at me while they were laughing too!  

Well cool!  I'm super glad I had an audience that appreciated my performance.

Oh, I forgot to mention, I was the only one who had school the next day so that's why I was against doing the pumpkin thing.  A girl's got to sleep, ya know?!

By the time I had finished my pumpkin it was around 12:30 am, and by the time I was all ready to go to sleep it was about 1.  Abby and Sara were telling me how I was a party pooper and what not... yeah, I went to bed.  Sort of.. I watched 20 minutes of White Christmas too.  It was calling my name, so sue me! 

This is all the fun they had without me while the slow pokes were finishing theirs up.  

And this is our little village.

Oh, I accidentally killed poor Aunt Clara again.. This makes three times now.. Whoops!  But on the plus side, I got my very own set of jumper cables!  Not that I'll ever need them, I have vowed not to kill her anymore.  

A New Me

I very recently decided that I am young.  I'm young and hip and aliiiive.  And dangit, I should start acting my age.  For the longest time I've been wanting to find out I actually have a horrible debilitating disease and then not tell anyone so when I finally die a dramatic death and they all find out about it they will think, "man, all this time I thought she was just an above average joe.  But no, she actually was an above average joe that not only lived a decade longer than she was expected to, but also influenced the world for good".  With that in mind, I've compiled a list of things I want to change about myself... this motivation may or may not have spawned from a witty romantic comedy or two.

First things first, I want to be adventurous.  Adventurous in every sense of the word.

I want to start enjoying traveling and everything it entails (i.e. packing, butt long drives, unpacking, etc.).

I want to start trying new foods.  Like Indian food.

I want to go rock climbing.  Or skydiving... mmm betta not.

I want to learn how to snowboard because how fun is it to have your feet strapped to a board so when you fall over all you have to save yourself is your less than impressive upper body strength <---- scratch that.  I changed my mind.  I want to learn to ski.

I want to talk to strangers.  I guess I sometimes do that already, but from now on I'm going to enjoy it!

I want to get friends.  According to google (yeah, I googled how to make friends.  What of it?!) I am supposed to stop trying to be likable and start liking other people.  Turns out, I can see the logic in that!

I want to hitchhike to Ohio and grow a beard along the way (girls can grow beards right? Steroids? Hair plugs?)

I want to meet someone online and become really great friends and maybe even marry them.  

I want to get the guts to just do junk!  By junk I mean sing/give impressive speeches in front of a butt load of successful people.

At one point in my life I was dared to take a strangers empty fruit cup off of their tray.  Here's the fun part:  I actually did it.  What happened to the old me?  The one that threw caution to the wind and just said, "what the heck?!  Why not?  Why not hand out papers with my friend's phone number on it that says 'call me'".

For a second I wanted to work for the FBI, maybe I'll follow that hankering and become an unstoppable force.

I also started playing with the movie making thing on my compy and decided to go into movie making! Don't be surprised if you see my name on every great motion picture from here on out.

I want to grow another set of arms so I can become an unrealistically productive woman like the third wife on Sister Wives. (P.S. I didn't chose to watch that entire TV series.  It chose me.)

I want the nickname "Gutsy Rob".

Moral of the story:  I want to change pretty much everything about myself and become the person I am in my dreams.  (I do sick awesome things in my dreams.. like last night I beat a guy up.  Did I have a reason?  Absolutely not.  I just did it.)

Next time you see me I expect a double take from your end.  At first glance you'll think, "woah!  That chica has got it figured out and is living a rewarding life!" then immediately after that you'll look again and think, "wha?!! I know that girl!  I'm going to see if she'll sign my forehead!"  Right now I'm alive but I ain't livin'.  It seems like their's a song about that.  I'll google it someday.  For now, I'm going to risk my life doing something super gutsy and probably not worth dying over.  But heck, I'll do it anyway.  Why?  Because I already decided to do it and it's too late to turn back.

Tips for Stalkers

Dear fellow stalkers,

We need to talk.  Some of you are getting this ALL wrong.  Trust me, I'm a seasoned stalker, and let me tell ya, it's easier to just creep from your apartment.  But anyway, here's were you're going wrong:  Walking past your prey's humble abode 7 times is far too many.  Five times would have been fine, but 7?  Really?  It's getting tacky.  If you want them to notice you then you're doing a fine job.  But that's not the point of stalking, now is it?

Next, keep your windows closed if you're going to make commentary on the pedestrians.  Really, though... It's awkward when they hear you.

Give yourself a cover story.  You don't want to be in a situation where you have to come up with a lame excuse right on the spot for why you are looking into someone's window.  "I thought I saw my couch in your apartment" or "I'm undercover and one of your roommates is an international jewel/precious metal thief, I'm just doing a little recon." Seriously, anything believable like that will work!

Invest in a solid pair of binocs.  Don't go to The Walmart, that's not the place to be, it's too public.  Try a pawn shop.  It will set the mood for being creepy anyway.

If you're staring out your window at all the people leaving the stadium from the game and one of them shouts, "you're creepy!", that doesn't necessarily mean they are talking to you.  Also, keep the lights off if its dark outside.  They'll be able to see you from a mile away with the lights on behind you.

If the target happens to see you through the window, invite him/her for ice cream and confess that you were talking about them.  It's better to be upfront in that kind of situation.

Sincerely,
SS (Seasoned Stalker)

Lock Me Up

I've got this really great habit of breaking and/or ruining things.. Let's go through all (that I can remember that is..) of the things I've had a hand in breaking.

The fancy pants digital clock above the door in our living room, it was sweet.  It told the temperature, the weather,  the time (obviously), the date, and probably all of our Zodiacs.   I had just recently had a growth spurt and I was loving being able to touch the top of the door frame as I walked under it.  Little did I know the fancy clock wasn't bolted to the wall and I pretty much just dumped it off its hooks.  Broke the dang thing instantly.

The door going into the kitchen had a big ole piece of glass on the top half of it and one day my brothers were chasing my sister and I.  Paige slammed the door shut to keep the boys out and it shattered.  I know I didn't directly break that one, but I can't help but feel a little guilty.

The eight foot by eleven foot window on the front of our house.... I was going through a stage where I thought I was going to the Olympics with a softball team and I would be the pitcher... So of course I had to practice pitching, right?!  Against the front of the house.... I was doing pretty well up until I released a little late on my last pitch and it went right into the window.  I didn't get in trouble though, I was already crying too hard for my mom to really punish me.  She's a sweetheart like that.

Our little red car.. technically it was just a matter of time until that one went kaput, I just happened to be the one in the drivers seat when it died.  I was going up a hill and it just quit and rolled back down and across the road... into a ditch.  Totally not even a big deal.  A couple years later the car was fixed anyway so we're going to half count that one.

The blender.. one summer I got really into smoothies and chocolate shake/instant breakfast things.  Well turns out the burning smell that happens when you blend something for too long is a bad thing.. ?  Who knew?!  Not me...  So needless to say, I haven't had a smoothie in a while.  :(

I once hit an owl on my way to a party....  It was dark, I was scared, I didn't even think of slowing down or trying to avoid the poor bird.  Just ran right into it.  This is the remains of it's body..  just a sad smear up the windshield.  This is also the same red car that died with me in it.










Lastly, to the best of my knowledge, sweet little Aunt Clara.  She's dead.  Dead, dead, dead.  Did I mention she's the car I brought to college?  As it turns out, I left the interior light on all night.  She's not turning on for a while!  Whoops!

Well, that's pretty much it.. not to mention all of the bowls and glasses I have dropped and broken.. or the hearts of so many men *heavy sarcasm*, or even the bones of my enemies *more sarcasm*.  Welp, tata for now!

Freshman 15

Before college I had heard about the dreaded "freshman 15" and I, being impervious to the elements and what not, decided, "nah, I'm not gaining 15 pounds! I'll be healthy and fit and I'll exercise and eat super healthy junk!"... It wasn't until yesterday that I realized I think I'm getting closer and closer to becoming a typical college freshman.

Last night we had gotten back from eating free massive burritos and decided to do something way fun!  We started watching The Voice.  But as usual, I started wanting a treat while we watched it.  So I suggested cake batter!  But no, we ended up going with cookie dough instead.  We ate SOOO much!  Seriously, I thought I was going to explode from all of it.  Hopefully the egg I put in won't kill us (fingers crossed!).. but I mean, heck, aren't we supposed to do gutsy and daring things whilst in college?




I also haven't exercised once since we got here.. I thought about doing crunches yesterday but instead I turned on Mission:  Impossible and then fell asleep and ended up having a really solid nap.  I've walked up the butt long hill only a few times and I drive/take the bus pretty much every other time.  I've also eaten pretty much all of the food I made on Sunday (I believe I mentioned it a few posts ago.. maybe the last one..).

I have also eaten so many treats.  Like a bag of little Airheads, about a bag of Almond Joys, about a bag of Heath Bars, potentially 15 cookies, about 13 corn dogs (four of those happened in one day..), I had about eight lean pockets but I don't feel like those should count, I also ate a butt load of other things that are escaping my mind at the moment.

Needless to say, we've devised a plan that will help us maintain a girlish figure.  It starts Monday.  I think it will always just "start Monday".  That way we can always look forward to a healthy lifestyle but never actually have to start applying it!  That, my friends, is the perfect way to live.

Theories

People are animals.  I'm not saying that people just pee in the street or attack when they get a chance (well, some people do..) or even that people shed when they get scared (I've actually met people like that...).  What I'm saying is this:  We are legitimately dictated by noises.  We respond to them like we don't know any better.  Just think back to the days when you went to high school (which was basically yesterday), now think about how you reacted to the blaring sound of the school bell.  You're getting worried now, aren't you?  I'm glad you see it too.

I wrote about this on Facebook a million years ago but I decided, "well shoot!  Why not write about it again?"  It only makes sense, it's still an issue that gets me a little T.O.ed every year so I'll probably write about it several more times before I kick the bucket.  

Picture this:  the bell rings, oh, that got everyone's attention!  All of the young people gather their belongings and head to a predetermined room/area, they almost immediately sit down and listen for their first set of instructions.  Then awhile later the bell rings again and everyone is herded into a large and spacious room (or small depending on the school) where all the students get fattened up at a watering hole.  Then they go off again and respond to the bell like dogs.

New thought:  People don't get excited about things like they used to.  Now a days its almost tiring to get people to cheer up and act like they are having a good time.  And the ones that do get excited over junk only do because other people are doing it.  Actually, come to think of it, I just described myself.  Whoops!  Disregard anything and everything I've just said.  Ever...

People (bloggers mostly) use odd vocabulary.  Probably because they secretly want people to think they are super geniuses or something.  I suspect they just sit at their compy with a thesaurus and write things they don't even know what means.  Like "cornucopia".  Let's be honest folks, its a cone with a twisty tail that sits on a table at Thanksgiving.  Also, it's on The Hunger Games.  I don't think you can use cornucopia to describe something.  Maybe I'm an idiot and ya actually can use words like that.

Sayonora! 

We're Domestic

For a while now I've wanted to become a happy little cooker.  Well guess what?!  It's happening!  Boom shakka lakka!  I mean, heck!  I made a birthday cake and some tasty cakes frosting.  Then a few nights later Abbs made some of the best cookies on this side the Mississip.  We are becoming quite the bakers.

Don't even worry, tonight I went all out on dinner, I did ribs, mashed potates, corn, homemade gravy... and the funnest part was that I was basically the only person who got to enjoy it.  Most of the roomies were gone.  Typical.  The one night I make the whole dinner and no one is home to see it.  I also meant to take a picture to document it.. but I have the memory of a goldfish and I forgot to.  It was weird going from helping  with meals for 10 people to cooking meals for one or two.

A few nights ago I made about 12 dozen cookies for my brother so he could ask a girl to Homecoming.  It only took all night, but it turned out ok.. only about half of them were paper thin and potentially burned.  So I'm calling that one a win.




Oh! Before I forget to tell the blogging world, I made a hat!! Yes, you heard me.  A hat.  I crocheted it.  It only took about four hours, not a big deal, I'm getting to be an old woman anyway.